Don't fall into the trap of pretending everything's fine when you know it isn't.
Close your eyes, and imagine 5, 10, 15 years from now. You are with your husband and maybe 2, 3 or so kids and your a very happy family, and very self-full-filled and your life is perfect just the way you had always dreamed and hoped, and then your little 5 year old child asks you: "mommy, why do you have all those white scars on your arm?" and then what will you say? I used to take a razor and pull it down real slow and carefully and watch the blood drop out of my skin so that I could see that I am still alive, or so I could feel real physical pain instead of emotional pain. No you can't say that to your child. and even if you do then your child will learn from you and do the same to themselves when ever they are feeling down. you don't really want that now do you.
You know when you cut yourself really badly, it doesn't hurt at all for awhile you don't feel anything - death, our reaction to death is sort of like that you don't feel anything at all and then later on you begin to hurt.
I don't necessarily want to be happy; I just want to stop feeling miserable.
As long as you know everything is a lie then you can't hurt yourself.
Even the people who never frown eventually breakdown.
Reality has exiled me; I am no longer bound by it's laws.
I'm not my usual self being quiet and lonely isn't 'me' crying all night, acting all day this isn't how it's supposed to be.
Every so often I want to dig my fingernails underneath my skin and peel off the face everybody's so used to seeing me in. Every so often I want people to know that I'm not as okay as they think I am.
There is nothing sadder than a child who has barely seen the world, yet who has seen enough of it to know that he does not wish to be a part of it...
Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheek, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do. I just know that pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten time more.
I cry then I cut, then I cry again, it never ends.