"Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?"
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
"The Supreme Court of US has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
"Christmas Day is a day of joy and charity. May God make you very rich in both."
"There has only been one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries."
He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.
"At Christmas play and make good cheer, For Christmas comes but once a year."
"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it."
A Christmas candle is a lovely thing; It makes no noise at all, But softly gives itself away; While quite unselfish, it grows small."
Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.
"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet."
"There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake on Christmas morning and not be a child."